Posted on by Alex

You’ve got a friend in me

(On Friendships)

A couple months ago, during our hurricane season break, I had the opportunity to attend a get together from my middle school in Brazil and reconnected with friends I had not seen for 30 years. There was a common amazement of how easy and sweet it was to reconnect with peers from such a special period in our lives – like reconnecting with the essence of what we were.

During this event, a friend of mine asked: “What about your kids, what are they going to reconnect with when they are our age? What will they have instead of their middle school class? How do you feel about them not having the opportunity of something this regathering?”   I am not sure my friend made explicit this last question…but for sure it was placed there in my mind.

I immediately went on balancing the trade offs of having the lifestyle we currently have. Yes, they miss a couple of things… and yes, they gain many others. As mostly any decision we take in life, we can’t have it all – there are always pros and cons.

Yet the question remained with me for a couple of weeks…as the “socializing of our kids” was (and still is) one of the most important aspects Alex and I are constantly considering in our boat life. Before we moved to the boat, we looked carefully to what other family boats reported – how kids were able to socialize, find friends and develop connections in any part of the world, while moving. It sounded special but yet uncertain.

with sv Enough in an artist’s shed in Hanavave, Marquesas

 

Now 3 years “on the road” (I mean “sea”), here are some of my perspectives and learning from our experience.

 

Yes, the kids experience isolation from time to time (during long passages or simply when we stay on anchorages by ourselves). And they don’t like it when it is too long. And not matter how much we, parents, try to compensate and be their buddies, we can’t …they need their peers around. As adults need it too :-).

 

On the other hand…the kids also experience strong belonging. The kids connect with other local kids in the places we go. But they need more than than that – they need belonging. Not surprisingly, there is an adorable community of kids living on boats, and they easily connect and relate to each other experiences. We became “hunters” of boats with kids – through social media and emails we always learn about other boats with kids coming into the region… We plan our routes and trips to maximize the time for the kids being together.

Meeting with our friends from sv Sangvind in Tonga. Again, after the Sea of Cortez, La Cruz and French Polynesia.

 

They are open to engage and cherish friendships. From experiencing moments of isolation and constant change, the kids deeply understand the value of cherishing friendships. They have learned to be more accepting and they engage pretty easily with other kids from 6 to 16 years old (our are currently 11 and 13). Many times they have played together without talking the same language. They enthusiastically receive each other every time they reconnect.

Not all is perfect. There are differences from time to time, but there is willingness to work them around as well.

Experiencing working at the restaurant Ballena Blanca in La Cruz de Huanacaxtle, MX

 

They don’t waste time. It is amazing – when we stop in an anchorage and spot a “new” kid in another boat, it does not take more than 5 min for the kids to jump into the water and start playing together. Sleepovers will most likely happen in the same day…. And its lovely to note that all parents are invested so much as we are in creating space and opportunities for them to be together. It is different from the rhythm and pace it takes to build strong relationships at land….as we are all aware we can’t waste time as we are not sure how long we will be sharing the same anchorage.

Playing a board game with sv Muktuk in Daniel’s Bay, Marquesas

 

They get the full pack of relationships – the good and the bad. As I said before, it is not all rosy. There are challenges from time to time: emotions get in the way, there are misunderstandings and we need to support them in dealing with certain situations… And I consider that healthy and needed – we grow through relationships.

 

At the end, they develop strong bonds. A few months ago, I remember us doing a land trip and as I spotted some kids around, I instantly said to Paulo, “Don’t you want to go to play with them?” to which he responded: “Mom, I don’t need more friends, I just want to meet the ones I already have”. I confess it gave me confidence to hear that from my son. He finds himself plenty of friends, he has this precious treasure (and he just wants more time with them).

Getting ready to hike to the top of a volcano in Colima, MX with sv Enough

 

Luckily since we left La Cruz in Mexico, some vessels like ‘Enough’ and ‘Sangvind’ have been a recurring beloved company. A few others we have met frequently and hope to meet again in the seas soon – ‘Coastal Drifter’, ‘Terrapin’, ‘Cape D’ and ‘Muktuk’. A few others like ‘Sarita’, ‘Adagio’, ‘Day Break’, ‘KantaAnae’, ‘Shawnigan’, ‘Bateau’, ‘Nogal’, ‘YOLO’, ‘Agamere’ and ‘Dulce Vida’ – where extremely present at some point in our journey and have now followed different routes. There is excitement with new friendship with ‘Be and Be’ and ‘Skylark’.

All of them are part of our extended sailing family and we hold deeply in our hearts. The kids constantly talk about them and I consider them their mid school network.

If I go back to my friend’s question that trigged this writing, I would say with confidence that they have a very special class of mid school friends to remember and cherish for growing up together!! I have no doubts they will carry some strong friendships for life out of this experience. Of course, it might be a bit challenging for getting all of them together, but …Come on! It took us more than 30 years to reunite with colleagues that lived in the same city (some even in the same neighborhood)! I am sure they would cross and ocean for theirs.

 

Waiting for a Panga (water taxi) in Barra de Navidad, MX with friends from sv Enough, sv Yolo and sv Coastal Drifter

 

A boatload of boat kids in Mexico. Sailing Vessels represented here are: Pesto, Terrapin, Enough , Yolo and Cape D

 

Another boatload of kids, this time with sv Nogal and sv Enough in Hanavave, Marquesas

 

With sv Coastal Drifter in San Diego, CA

 

Playing with dolls with sv Shawnigan

 

Playing Heads Up with friends from sv Terrapin

 

Sleepover at the front cabin with friends from sv Agamere and sv Shawnigan

 

Some serious make-up in the making in Mexico – with sv Sarita and sv Shawnigan

 

Playing mini golf with sv Skylark and sv Be And Be in Niue

 

With sv Adagio and sv Sangvind in La Paz, MX

 

With sv Daybreak, and sv Dulce Vida and others in Taiohae, Marquesas

 

Visiting Museo de la Ballena in la Paz, MX with sv Coastal Drifter and Plane-to-Sea

 

Having a lifetime experience in Marina La Cruz, MX

 

6 Replies to “You’ve got a friend in me”

  1. Adriana! This entry is beautiful!!!! Puts tears in my eyes and smiles in my heart. Please send this to a sailing magazine, word for word, photos (great photos) and all. If i can help you do that, let me know. Sending you all love and gratitude (and more).
    Happy sails,
    jon

  3. That’s an awesome bunch of kids! And yes there will be a reunion in future count on it. Correct, relationships at young ages are long term and those reunions….. awesome meetups! Won’t be the same as land school – much better, the sailing community is a closer knit group, not an exclusion group dont get me wrong….. it is a kindred sprit that exsists for a very long time, fondness recalling past events in favourite locations around the world! How many will have that!
    I am ‘lucky’ my now adult children did not go ‘astray’ growing up in that normal enviroment we did. They could have been…. well… they have a great dad! Me!
    Thank you for this revealing post on cruising kids…. great buncha pix

  4. Thank you SO much for the encouragement Jon! As always, so nice to have you here, with us! I feel heard!
    Happy to send it to any sailing magazine – if you could help us with any contact that would be great!!
    Thanks again!

  6. Hahaha Ed!! For sure your kids have a wonderful dad!!!
    I so much appreciate your forward looking perspective… It warms my heart and fulfills my hope, as parent, that we
    are planting good seeds and sharing strong values with these amazing kids that are our future.

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